Do you like playing with words?

I will slowly build a list of examples.

1. Sign seen on the roadside in rural Devon:
   
   

   For Fox Sake

   SLOW DOWN

   
   
   
2. Sign seen tacked to electricity pole near Minety Wilts:
   
   

   BUCK FLAIR

   
   
   
3. Sign seen on a trailer parked in a field up north during the foot & mouth epidemic:
   
   

   Blair Fiddles

   while Cumbria burns

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   Riddle What's a Hospice?	Answer About 2 gallons!
   Riddle What do you do if you see a spaceman?	Answer Park in it, man!
   Riddle What is the first thing a ball does when it stops rolling?	Answer It looks round!

   
   
   

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   I was talking to a lady in the swimming pool the other day. After the usual pleasantries regarding the weather and holidays she told me that she was having a bit of trouble with the cooking fat!
   
   Evidently, the blooming animal insists on sharpening it's claws on the dining room table leg!

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   An Englishman is swimming "au naturelle" in the sea at St Tropez.
   When he has had enough he wades ashore. His willy hangs in the water for a long time, and bangs against his knees as he leaves the water.
   A group of Frenchmen on the beach are laughing...so he walks towards them.
   What's the matter with you lot then" he asks,
   "Doesn't yours shrink when you go in the water?"

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   Old Dolly lives in The Pines Residential Home for the elderly. It's her birthday, and she decides to do a streak.
   Two old boys are sitting chatting in the corridor when Dolly goes by.
   One looks at the other and says "Was that old Dolly running along the passage, did you see what she was wearing today?"
   "Can't say I noticed" says the other, "But whatever it was........ it needed ironing!"

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   A burglar has just broken into a house and is rifling through the wall unit in the lounge when he thinks he hears a voice saying "Jesus is watching you."
   Putting it down to his imagination playing tricks, he carries on rifling. This time, more clearly a voice, "Jesus is watching you." He nervously shines his pencil light around the room and spots a parrot in the corner.
   "Hello" says the burglar, "Hello" says the parrot. "So it's you talking is it?" "Hello" repeats the parrot. "What's your name?" asks the burglar. The parrot replies "Moses".
   "Good Lord" says the burglar, "What sort of people name their parrot Moses?"
   "The same sort of people who call their rottweiler Jesus" replies the parrot.

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   Q. Can you tell if a toucan with a tin can can can-can?

   Q. Will a retiring cobbler's last last last a few more years?

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   Example of the law at work.
   
   Defence Counsel (C) is questioning a Medical expert (D)
   
   C...."Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check the body for a pulse?"
   D........."No"
   C...."Did you check for breathing?"
   D........."No"
   C...."So, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
   D........."No"
   C...."How can you be sure, Doctor?"
   D........."Because the brain of the patient was in a jar on my desk."
   C...."But, could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?"
   D........."Yes, it is possible that the patient could have been alive ... and practising law somewhere!!!!!!!"

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   A young man is cuddling his sweetheart and nibbling at her ear. "Do you like that?" he asks. "Yes, that's nice" replies the girl. "You know that your ears are just like a mouse's ears" he murmers. "Oh, you mean a lovely soft little cuddly mouse?" she enquires.

   "No" came the reply, "A bloody great hippopotamouse!"

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   The government employed an eminent gold fish expert to advise them on cleaning up the English Channel.
   After a week studying the problem he told the PM that the water needed changing every three days!

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